Had a nightmare two nights back that someone who doesn’t like me irl had killed me after turning all my friends against me. It was a really chilling, and disturbing dream to me. It wasn’t the fact that I was murdered, it was that I lost all my friends.
For me, my friends are a large portion of my life. My friends are half of my life. I can’t live without them because they give me the energy and motivation to be happy.
Nevertheless, the effects of a nightmare fade after a few hours. And I was good. It never left my memory, but I was still okay.
After awhile, I realized that my nightmare was slowly leaking into my reality. Seriously, I couldn’t believe it.
Some of my friends are changing, and getting closer to this person. And I normally don’t care, but when asleep, the events of a dream or a nightmare are just so real; so when similar hints of my nightmare start happening in my real life, the eventual doom just seems so damn tangible.
I’ve always told myself that I don’t care if people who dislike me have mutual friends with me. It’s hard on the mutual friends. And I don’t bring things up with those mutual friends because they shouldn’t have to deal with a problem between me and another person. However, there’s always that feeling that someone who dislikes me will be saying something to a friend of mine and making me lose them. The reality of it is so much more amplified with the memories of my nightmare.
But in the end, I tell myself that if my friends really know me, they’ll stop and think when they hear the rumours, “Hey, Galina’s not really like that.” And I hope they’ll just ignore whatever’s being spoken.
I don’t need people to choose sides. I just want peace.
This is literally the best way to slowly break me down. And it’s tough. My friends are one of the main pillars that keep me standing. Losing friends,… I can cope with that. But all of a sudden having my friends turn to hate me, without me having a say is like torture.
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